Monday, December 8, 2008

One Down

Talked to one of my oldest, best friends tonight about the relationship changes. It wasn't great timing -- it was out at a coffee house in SE as part of a games night event that includes a lot of people she knows from Love Tribe. Ideally this is not where I'd share the news about AM and I, but it was face-to-face and I'd rather share with people in person than not.

I prefaced telling her by asking her not to say she was sorry until I finished. I told her that we were getting divorced because we needed to be authentic and honest with our lives. That pretending my being lesbian didn't matter for the last few years has eroded our friendship and isn't fair to either of us. That we were still going to be friends and our doing this would ensure that we would stay close friends.

I never expected SW to get upset or say anything terrible. Mostly I just felt bad about sharing such news at a social event. I talked to her about sending out the news via email because of the time of year, not wanting some to know before others, and many other reasons. She agreed that was a good idea and then just see people as I/we can. That was nice to hear that input from a close friend.

We spent some time chatting and catching up. She said how amazed she is to hear me talking about bicycling and that I'm even considering trying to go on a backpacking trip on a couple of years. I talked to her about CK and I, some of the things we want to do with our life together. SW shook her head a lot, smiling and laughing at times at how much we've both changed over these nearly 20 years of friendship. More than anything she said she is happy to see me getting to really be myself. A sentiment that seems to be a common thread when I tell people the whole of things.

I didn't get as much done at work today as I had planned for myself. My day sudden got taken up in working with other people and projects. Tomorrow we're doing a "white elephant" gift exchange and potluck, several of the retirees are coming to join us, so I won't get a lot done either. I find it difficult switching the gears between programming and coaching or working with clients, when I spend a day called onto "people" stuff it is hard for me to effectively program much. Maybe next week I'll work a few more days from home, block some time on my calendar and just program in quiet.

Yesterday was lovely! Slept in, CK made me toast & tea while I had a hot shower, went and taught asana practice, we had lunch then went out adventuring. The primary adventure was teaching me to drive her very manual, old, fussy Toyota pick up.

I'd learned to drive a manual transmission when my Mom first taught me to drive when I was 16. I didn't earn enough to cover the amount I'd increase my parent's auto insurance policy, so I never got my license until I was 25. At that time, and since then, I've owned vehicles with automatic transmissions.

It went really well. We went out to a transit mall and I practiced stopping and starting several times. Then I drove around the parking lot. CK noted this morning that when I started thinking about what I was doing I stalled it more. I apologized to the truck several times.

Afterward, confidence and enjoyment was high so we went on over by the IKEA and I practiced some more. Even drove us home to her flat, only stalling it a handful of times.... Well, after stalling it about 3 times at the first real light! When it got to parking it (reverse is very hard) I decided I'd had enough. CK parked the truck and we went inside to have some cider with very nice rum, watch an episode of Six Feet Under, and make dinner.

She kept saying how I was obviously a natural at it, that I remembered what to do. And yes, there is some part of that. The other part is how well she teaches, how compassionately and encouraging. It was a joy to know yet another way in which she is a a wonderful partner. Each time we come up to one of these moments where the people involved in a relationship find out that they might rub each other the wrong way (like travelling together, her going to my doctor's appointment, and now teaching me to drive manual), we find out we rub along quite nicely together.

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