Sunday, December 21, 2008

And Dream of Beloit

A strange dream that I actually remember after the usual morning routine...

I was visiting Beloit. Not that I was a student again, although I was there to take an exam, with CK. Or perhaps CK was there taking an exam and I was just tagging along since it was at Beloit. I recall asking her if she felt like she was sufficiently prepared and wanted to explore.

Only I had a plan. I lead us across campus, to the far southern end where the Logan and Wright are. When I came around the old Carnegie library, used for English mostly when I was a student there, I was surprised by the closed up anthropology and art buildings. I felt an anxious at seeing those shuttered spaces.

I found out from someone that both were being renovated and was directed to the temporary offices of the director, still my old advisor (in that amazing way dreams can bend time). I lead us over the the strange space filled with a few desks, books, notes, and random pieces from the collections of both museums.

HM seemed bewildered by me. Although I haven't been back to Beloit since 1990 HM looked exactly the same. In response to his not recognizing me he gave me a stiff hug and then uncomfortably commented on the passage of time, so many students, etc. There was much awkwardness and HM started to tell me about the renovations.

This is about when my pager went off to notify me that some patching had been done on a server at work.

Mostly I'm jotting this all down because I don't always remember my dreams. I tried writing about them first thing in the morning, I should pick that habit up again. My therapist doesn't do a lot with dream analysis, not "one of her main tools" as she likes to say, but we have had interesting discussions about them.

The thing she said she found interesting about them is how often I am not a major character in my dreams. I end up in the background of them, I likened some of my anxiety dreams to feeling like I'm Rosencrantz... An inconsequential bit player to important events. I don't actually have the power to change anything going wrong in my dreams, I just happen to be there when things go wrong and am unaware of the potential danger to myself.

This one was a bit different in that I recall it more clearly and I'm a more major player. I was active and doing things, taking part in the dream. I don't often dream about real places or people, but here was CK and one of my old advisers from college. CK wasn't a non-entity either, I felt her support and interest in being with me.

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