Sudden

I was unprepared for things to go they way they've gone. At first I thought I was merely asking for space, acknowledging that I didn't think I would change back into someone who felt the same level of passion.

AM is checking into housing. He spoke to the manager at our bank today and got advice on the steps we'll have to take disconnect our finances, our shared accounts. He feels excited, nervous, worried, and glad we are taking this step. He talks about what things he would like to keep when he moves, where he would like to move.

I still feel stunned at the sudden nature of the change. I thought we might keep the relationship going longer, but I really didn't feel like things would get better. I didn't expect AM to fully agree and set things in motion quickly. Part of me was so busy bracing for anger that I didn't expect harmony in situation known for acrimony.

Tonight I was sitting by the fireplace knitting a scarf for CK's mom. I had a moment of thinking of her there, sitting near me reading aloud to us by a fire. It was a good thought, I noted it and just enjoyed it without the worry and guilt swirling around it.